Idiot
by Golem XIV
Summary: One-shot. Raven gets caught in the crossfire of one of Beast Boy's pranks again, and he tries to apologize. But the apology also backfires into something neither of them expected.


**Disclaimer:** If I owned the Teen Titans it would have more seasons than the Simpsons.

-=oOo=-

 **Idiot**

The door to the Ops room slid open just a crack. A green eye peeked anxiously through it, studying carefully the violet-haired sorceress sitting calmly on the couch, reading a book.

He sniffed the air cautiously and perked his ears, knowing it would give him a much better picture of her mood than his eyes could. Her breathing and heartbeat were regular and her scent exuded peace and tranquility. He allowed himself to relax a bit; everything indicated that it was safe to approach her. He opened the door fully and walked hesitantly in.

His gaze went to the recently smashed window and he gulped. He figured it took him about half an hour to fall into the ocean, swim back to the Tower, shower and change. Hopefully it was time enough for her anger to simmer down and dissipate.

"Um… Hey, Rae!" he greeted her and sat down on the couch, watching her apprehensively. "I'm… uh… sorry for…"

A pair of deep amethyst eyes lifted from the book, glanced coldly at him and returned to their reading. So far so good, he thought. The window still had only one hole.

"It's not like I was aiming at you," he tried to explain. "It's just that I didn't expect Cy to dodge it, and… well, you know what happened."

She lowered the book, her eyes fixing him in a frosty gaze. "I don't like tofu, Beast Boy. I don't like the texture, I don't like the taste, and I certainly don't like being hit in the face with two pounds of the stuff!"

He winced and looked away. "It was only a pound and a half…"

She rolled her eyes and returned her attention back to the book. Beast Boy sat beside her, keeping his distance, feeling a bit dejected. His mind went again over what happened, poking the unpleasant memory like an aching tooth. His victorious grin as he threw the pound-and-a-half brick of tofu at Cyborg. His frustration as he saw the huge metal man duck the missile. His horror when it sailed on, straight towards Raven's face, just as she looked up from the book with an annoyed expression, ready to grumble at them to keep it quiet.

Splat.

Suddenly he chuckled and grinned toothily at her. "You did look funny with tofu all over your face!"

The book descended slowly. Hard, cold violet eyes glared icicles at him. The shapeshifter cringed. Talk about not thinking of the consequences – again.

Just as Raven's anger was beginning to bubble up, a flash of memory brought her back the image she saw of herself reflected in the window, with her face and hair covered in globs of tofu. As much as she hated to admit it, it _was_ funny.

Her lips twitched. She tried to cover it by lifting the book and hiding her face behind it, but he didn't miss it. His eyes widened in amazement.

"You smiled!" he gasped.

"I did _not!_ " she tried to deny it, still hiding behind the book, but a guffaw shook her shoulders.

"You did, and now you're laughing!" Beast Boy shouted in excitement. "You also think it was funny!"

"It was NOT funny!" she tried to snarl at him menacingly, but it transformed somehow into a grin and her laughter burst out, impossible to contain any longer.

For a few seconds he watched her, speechless, as she lifted her hand to her mouth and giggled merrily into it. A tide of exultation and sheer ecstasy washed over him. Overwhelmed by the sensation and without thinking about his actions, he leaned over and took her into a tight, affectionate hug.

"You _laughed!_ I made you _laugh!_ I _lived_ for this moment!" he cried and landed a wet, messy smooch on her cheek, then pulled back and regarded her joyfully, an enormous grin threatening to split his face in two... and then the grin faded and his face turned lime green, his instinct for self-preservation finally kicking in as he saw her eyes opened wide and staring at him in shock, a flush creeping up her pale features, her mind still slowly processing what he just did.

 _Uh-oh._

He had invaded her personal space. It usually earned him a scolding, more often than not accompanied by a sarcastic comment about his intellectual capacity and/or maturity. _Strike One._

He had _hugged_ her. She _hated_ hugging. By itself the deed was grounds for forcible telekinetic defenestration and a long swim back to the Tower – yet again. _Strike Two._

He had _kissed her._

He shuddered. He had never done that before; the punishment for such a transgression was unknown. It could, however, be extrapolated from the gravity of the other offenses. His imagination helpfully submitted a selection of pictures of the icily scorching flames of Hell, together with some ideas about the more interesting tortures available in that place. _Strike Three._

This was yet another record for him. He managed to go from zero strikes to three, all in one action.

He got up from the couch and walked backwards to the door, the grin on his face becoming contrite and his eyes apprehensive, his hands raised with their palms out in a gesture of placating apology.

"Um… yeah. That's right. I'll leave you now. Don't worry about me. I'll just… I have to go do something. Bye!"

The door slid shut behind him. Raven blinked, finally pulling out of her stupor. Her hand went to her cheek, touching lightly the skin where the memory of the kiss still tickled. Slowly her brow creased until she was scowling at the closed door.

"Idiot!" she growled, picked up the book angrily and tried to get back to her reading.

-=oOo=-

Beast Boy remained in his room for the rest of that day, and tried hard not to be in Raven's line of sight the next one. But even as he attempted to remain unseen and unheard, an unexplained urge compelled him to remain close to the silent empath, his eyes irresistibly attracted to settle dreamily on her, as comfortable as a chick in a downy nest, as content as a kitten curled in a warm lap, as happy as a tired puppy.

He would watch her until she would feel his gaze and turn to look at him, her eyebrow arched in puzzlement. It made his eyes scamper away from her in panic like partridges from a falcon, searching for a hiding place, feigning indifference, only to be dragged back after half a minute or so, drawn by the same indisputable magnetism, slowly but inescapably lured to cuddle again in the deep indigo folds that shifted gently with the slow rhythm of her breathing, to examine the slender fingers as they turned the pages with delicate, graceful flicks, to bask in the warmth of the halo of violet reflections as the light shone through her hair.

Something stirred deep inside him and brought up the feelings that he had buried under the heavy overburden of his outward cheer and goofiness, feelings that he hid even from himself for a long time, not daring to acknowledge them, fearing to face them, terrified of the certainty that they would only bring him more pain and suffering. And after what happened with… after _that_ , he was not sure if he could withstand yet another… disappointment.

He closed his eyes in a reluctant attempt to stop staring at her and force himself to ignore the almost electric tingling on his lips, the one that began when they touched the warm smoothness of her cheek, the one that refused go away no matter how much he rubbed them and licked them. He sighed, transformed himself into a dog and curled up with his back to her in an attempt to doze away the time and get over all these disturbing new sensations.

It did not help. His senses of smell and hearing were inhumanly acute, but in his current form they were even sharper, making him aware of everything. Her slow, calm exhalations and the sweetness of her breath; a mixture of aromatic herbs, thyme, mint and honey from her morning tea. The measured cadence of her heartbeat, both hypnotizing and unsettling. The scent of her skin and hair and clothes, an intoxicating cocktail of her own essence and the residues of her soap, shampoo and body creams, incense and spices and coconut and sweet almonds mingling with vanilla and cinnamon. And then there was that deeper, more intimate layer that almost made his mind go blank in a rush of pure, blind lust, startling him and barely allowing him the time to crush it with desperate urgency before she was able to sense it. There was an imperceptible hint of brimstone to it, just as primal and just as savage as what he was carrying in the core of his own self. He shuddered, shaking it off his mind.

He realized he was only making it worse. He rose and morphed into his normal form, sauntered over to the couch and sat down on it as far from her as he could, forcing his attention on the large TV screen.

Raven was aware of his staring. She caught him doing it a couple of times, noticing the light blush that shone on his cheeks and the tips of his ears even as he looked away in a vain attempt at innocence. She tried to sense his feelings, but as usual they were a conflicting, coruscating fireworks display that was just as blinding as it was confusing, both to her and to him. But she did understand that somehow she was the cause for his unease. She tried to ignore it by focusing on her book.

After some fifteen minutes and after reading the same sentence for what was easily the hundredth time, she realized it was useless. His feelings were affecting her, and the best she could do was to go to her room and continue her reading there, safely insulated from the turmoil that his emotional state was causing in her. She opened a portal and stepped through it, floated over to her bed, sat cross-legged on it and opened the book with a satisfied, relieved sigh.

Now relaxed in well-known, intimate surroundings, she didn't even notice that her thoughts drifted back to him almost immediately. As much as she avoided physical contact, she couldn't deny that she felt quite… comfortable in his embrace. For that short time, for not more than a few seconds, from the moment he took her in his arms to the burning surprise of his lips on her cheek, she felt… calm. Untroubled, safe, her doubts and fears forgotten.

It was a heady, dizzying sensation. She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath, feeling herself longing to experience it again, to snuggle against him and feel him clasp her tightly while she listened to his heartbeat and filled her lungs with his scent and –

Her eyes flew open and she straightened up, startled. What in Azar's holy name was she _thinking?_ She'd better meditate and clear her head of such idiocy. _Now._

Discarding the useless book, she levitated a few inches above the bed and began breathing rhythmically and softly droning her mantra.

 _Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…_

Just as she'd been taught, she imagined herself transparent and full of light. Like his eyes, clear and deep as forest pools, shining with joy –

She shifted with surprised unease, frowning and forcing it all away before trying again.

 _Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…_

Focus your awareness… Empty your mind… Release your soul... What a beautiful soul he has. So caring and loving and selfless –

Startled again, she groaned in exasperation, pulling herself together.

 _Azarath… Metrion… Zinthos…_

Her emotions were spiking way too much. She soothed them with her mind's gentle hand, caressing them from shivering apprehension to purring tranquility. Calm washed over her, just as it did for that short moment while she was in his arms, so wonderfully at peace, so thrillingly fulfilled. She ached to sense it again, to feel once more that tingling warmth spreading all over her, that overpowering sensation of drowning in a lazy ocean of dreamy desire, of losing awareness of anything else but of his arms around her and of his breath burning deliciously her cheek and her ear, and –

Her levitation faltered and she plopped down on the bed. A low growl of frustration came from deep in her throat.

Tea. That's what she needed. There was nothing better than some St. John's wort tea to help her calm down and relax.

Her mind made up in an instant, she rose from the bed and left, her quick and purposeful steps taking her to the Ops room.

It was empty but for Beast Boy. She forced herself to ignore him, making a beeline for the counter and turning on the electric kettle. She opened the overhead cupboard and rummaged through it. St. John's wort was not her usual tea; it was pushed back deep on the top shelf. Small as she was, she had to levitate up to reach it.

Beast Boy observed her while she searched for the tea. The fascination he felt not so long ago was thankfully gone by now, but it was replaced with something else; an urge to face her, to talk to her, to tell her… tell her what? He wasn't sure, there was so much of it and it was so confusing. Apologize? Yes, that would be it. He had to apologize for what he did. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her feel uncomfortable.

Having made his decision, he quickly got up and padded over, soundless as a cat, to stand behind her while she floated about a foot off the ground searching for the tea. Just as her hand closed over the jar she heard him clear his throat.

"Uh… Raven?"

She was so assiduously intent on ignoring him that his words blindsided her completely. A soundlessly gasped shriek tore itself from her throat, her heart entering panic mode and her levitation faltering again. She spun around to face him as she dropped down, her cloak billowing out in a whirl trying to follow her erratic movements. Her feet collided with the floor and she stumbled forward, her hands grasping at him as they sought support and his arms going immediately and instinctively around her to keep her steady.

The sibilance of their suddenly inhaled breaths combined into a loud hiss. Her nose was buried into that small depression right under his Adam's apple; his face was thrust deep in her hair. For two seconds they just stood motionless, embraced, taking in each other's essences and quickly getting drunk on them.

She shuddered, wrenched herself away to awareness and looked up. Her mouth went dry and she swallowed. What she saw in his eyes scared her, the emotions that were surging from him in an unstoppable deluge terrified her. She stood paralyzed as his face came closer and he kissed her gently, lovingly, tenderly.

Everything around her faded away, irrelevant and unimportant. Only the soft, sweet taste of his lips mattered, only the warm safety of his arms around her was real. Her eyes rolled up in her head and her toes curled; she pressed herself closer to him and her arms gripped him tighter; her tongue dared to probe shyly against his lower lip...

… and then fear burst in her mind and panic overtook her. The kettle exploded and drenched them in hot but luckily still not scalding water. She pushed him away, panting and staring wide-eyed at him, then sank into a black portal that appeared beneath her feet and was gone.

She phased to her room, eyes squeezed tightly shut, hugging herself, fighting the whirling tornado of uncontrollable emotions that was tearing her rationality and composure to shreds. She forced herself to breathe deeply and regularly, managing slowly to settle down and soothe the shaking to trembling and then to occasional shivering. She stumbled to her bed and sat heavily on it.

"Idiot!" she whispered without conviction as she licked her lips, trying to capture one last, ephemeral taste of his kiss.

-=oOo=-

Over the course of the next day a confused and hesitant Beast Boy chose to play it safe and behave as if nothing had happened. He forced himself to ignore her while his mind floundered, trying to wrap itself around her attitude and looking for logic or reason behind the way she acted, racking his brains to figure out why was it that she first gave herself up and responded to his kiss with a passion that surprised him, only to immediately push him away and vanish.

He could feel her staring at him from the moment he entered the Ops room that morning. Her eyes followed him unsettlingly as he went to the counter to make himself breakfast, as he ate, as he placed the dirty dishes in the sink, as he sat down on the couch and pretended to absorb himself into whatever was being shown on TV.

 _Kind of a creepy sensation,_ Beast Boy thought as her eyes bored into him. He struggled not to look back. _I suppose yesterday I made her feel the same way she's making me feel now._

After a while he could not ignore it any more. Her gaze was burning holes in the side of his face; he felt its heat like twin laser beams drilling into his skull. He turned his head and met it, then had to quickly look away. He had expected anger and reproach, hoped for affection and desire. But her eyes were calm and expressionless, without giving out any hint of what she felt or intended. He shivered and forced his gaze back to the TV, nailing it there, not even realizing it was off.

The torture continued all morning. He tried to get away from her, going to the gym to try and expel the steadily accumulating nervousness through physical exertion. But soon he became aware of her shadowy, almost invisible presence, undetectable but for the soft glow of her eyes under the hood and the wisps of that disturbing scent of hers that floated over.

He went to the roof and she followed. He took his clothes to the laundry and his hackles rose, feeling her eyes on his back. He fled to the swimming pool, morphing into a fish and trying to hide in its deepest part, but he could still feel her trying to track him under the rippling, blurring surface of the water.

Annoyed, mentally exhausted and hungry, he gave up and went to the Ops room for lunch. Their friends were already there digging with relish into their favorite food. Oblivious to the lunch-time chatter around him he sat down silently, keeping his eyes on the pizza box, biting off and chewing slowly on a mouthful of his favorite tofu-cheese veggie extravaganza. It might have been cardboard and plastic for all the taste it had. She sat beside him, stiff and rigid, her hood over her face and her food untouched, her eyes alternating between staring at him and at her own pizza slice.

The small part of his mind that was not focused completely on her made him aware that the table talk slowly ebbed. Their friends have noticed that there was something wrong between the two of them.

He felt the frustration swell in him. This meant days, maybe weeks of teasing by Cyborg and questioning by Starfire. For some reason he felt he just couldn't go through it. Why was she doing this? What does she _want?_

"I'm gonna go work on the T-Car," he heard Cyborg's chair scrape the floor as he pushed it back and rose to leave.

"Yeah, I'll go catch up on some training!"

"I must give Silkie the bath, he is in the need of the cleansing!"

Suddenly they were alone. He felt his face burn for some reason. He chewed on the tasteless, dry wad in his mouth, not able to decide if he should force it down or just spit it out. Her silent but overbearing presence weighed heavily on him and dragged his head down.

His irritation escalated into aggravation and then to fully-fledged anger. He swallowed the mouthful and got up, leaving for his room without looking back or saying a word. His sensitive ears heard the soft swish of her cloak as she floated behind him. His fists clenched, his jaw muscles bunched. He quickened his pace. The door to his room was near. He could make it. He had to make it.

"Beast Boy?"

He stopped as if he'd hit a brick wall, but he didn't turn.

"Beast – _Garfield_."

His teeth ground against each other. He just wished that she would leave him alone. He couldn't trust himself in this state, and he didn't want to hurt her. He turned slowly to face her. A cold "What?" was all he allowed himself to say.

Raven's eyes went down and an almost imperceptible wince crossed her features. The frustration and confusion in him were obvious even to a non-empath, and so was the anger they were bringing up. She knew it was all her fault, but she just couldn't force herself to say what had to be said and do what had to be done.

She tried to look up and meet his gaze, but she couldn't. If she did she would lose it, and all the carefully prepared words would be erased from her mind, all the resolve that she was building in herself the last few hours would be lost. She spoke to the floor, her voice cracked and hoarse.

"Gar, what happened… shouldn't have happened. I can't…"

She floundered, desperately searching the floor for help. There was none on it, nor was there any in the cold rage that she felt rising in him. He remained cruelly silent.

"I… we… it's not your fault," she croaked. "I'm…"

"It is," he spoke suddenly. She looked up at him, her mouth opened in surprise. His anger was boiling over, threatening to rip him apart, but it wasn't directed at her. The only thing that he felt for her was… She was interrupted in her musings as he turned around, went to the door to his room and disappeared inside.

She stood there for a few seconds then walked slowly, haltingly to her room. She went inside and closed the door behind her, but there was no relief in the familiar darkness.

He wasn't angry at her. He was angry at himself, as stupid and wrong as it was. She had just torn his heart out and ground it under her heel, and he blamed himself. She had hurt him deeply, a lot worse than anyone had ever before, and he still… he still loved her.

It was that cursed fear of hers, that damned ignorance and insecurity. She gave in to them, lost her courage and turned her back to her feelings, denying them instead of embracing and accepting them. She had teased him and dragged him along and dangled false promises in front of his nose and then took it all away from him and broke his heart, and all because she didn't have the guts to face herself and come to terms with what she felt and what she wanted. She did the cruelest thing possible to the boy that cared for her more than anyone else.

How proud her father would be.

A pain that was almost physical cut through her, bursting from her heart, bleeding from her soul and burning in her eyes.

" _Idiot!_ " she screamed at herself, then collapsed to the floor in a shivering, sobbing heap covered with indigo fabric.

-=oOo=-

She sat on the bed, staring at the wall. She heard the quiet hiss of the door opening and the heavy thud of metallic feet stepping closer, but she didn't react. The bed creaked in protest at Cyborg's massive bulk as he lowered himself to sit beside her.

"We missed you for dinner." His voice was low and warm with concern. "And for lunch. And breakfast."

She remained silent. Cyborg clasped his hands, looked at the floor and sighed deeply.

"What did you do, little sis?"

She turned her head and looked at him, finally acknowledging his presence.

"What makes you think I did anything?"

"Because Grass Stain only hides when he's hurt."

She bowed her head and closed her eyes. A gentle metallic paw stroked her hair. She didn't flinch away from the touch. Cyborg was probably the only one that could get away with it, and it was because she trusted him fully. She trusted his devotion as much as the affection she felt for him. They were simple emotions, deep, pure and _safe_.

"I don't want to talk about it, Vic."

He chuckled. "Y'all don't have to. But if I can't help you solve the problem…"

Raven smiled in spite of herself and leaned on the metallic shoulder. She understood perfectly Cyborg's implied threat; if she didn't open up, Starfire and Robin would also try to help her, and it would be a disaster. Starfire's joy and exuberance would be subdued, commiserating with her predicament, and that would only deepen Raven's misery. Richard… He would probably hem and haw and stammer trying to help her with a problem he himself wouldn't know how to deal with and then fall back to a lecture on the importance of keeping the team together, blah blah blah. Azar bless his soul, in some things he was just as childish as Garfield.

Cyborg's arm went around her slender shoulders, almost engulfing her. She felt herself close to breaking and swallowed, trying to hold herself together. She was about to straighten up and ask him to leave, when in a flash she realized she was making the same mistake again. A shudder went through her and she tried to embrace him, now desperate for comfort.

"I… I was…" she swallowed again, took a deep breath and continued. "He kissed me. He kissed me, and it was the most wonderful thing I've ever felt." She pressed her forehead to the hard but warm metal. "It terrified me, Vic. I panicked, I pushed him away, and then I told him that… I told him…"

"You told him it was a mistake, and he blamed himself for it."

Her head lifted and she regarded him through narrowed eyes. "Were you spying on us?"

Another chuckle shook his shoulders. "No need to. I know you both well." A thick thumb wiped the hot drops from her cheeks. "Better than y'all know your own selves, I'd wager."

She sank into his embrace again, feeling her soul a little less burdened.

"What do I do now?" she asked in a small voice.

He smiled at her. "Do I really have to tell you?"

She shivered. "I'm afraid…"

He pushed her gently away and looked at her. "I know. But remember that he'll never do anything to hurt you. The only thing you need to be afraid of is you hurting him."

She nodded, tightened her hug for a second, then released him and got up. She then turned, as if remembering something, bent and kissed him on the cheek, then quickly floated out of the room.

Cyborg smiled. Raven kissing him on the cheek? Now he'd really seen everything.

She had a very good idea of where she could find Garfield, and she wasn't wrong. He was sitting on a rock overlooking the shore, one leg bent with an arm curled around it and his chin resting on the knee as he stared over the ocean and tossed distractedly small pebbles into the water.

She sat beside him and gathered her legs under her, removed her hood and huddled in her cloak against the nippy wind and the bitter spray of the breakers.

"I'm sorry, Gar."

He shrugged, flicking another pebble. "What for? It's not like –"

"Wait. Listen to me," she interrupted him in that I-have-no-time-for-your-nonsense tone of voice he knew so well. "Stop blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, it was mine."

He shook his head. "No, you're wrong. I forced myself on you and kissed you –"

"Garfield!" she growled impatiently. He snapped his mouth shut and looked at her, surprised. She was frowning at him and her eyes betrayed her annoyance. "Do you really think you could 'force' yourself on me?"

He grinned. "I suppose not. If I did, I'd still be trying to get out of whatever corner of Hell you'd send me to."

"Right!" she answered gruffly, then her eyes and her tone softened. "Please, you must understand. All my life I was taught to deny my feelings, to shun them and run away from them. All this…" her voice turned into a hoarse whisper "All this is just too new and unknown for me, and it scared me."

He rubbed the back of his head. "I guess I understand. Why –"

"Because now I realize it's not the way I have to be. It's not the way I _want_ to be. I…"

She fell silent. He wanted to say something, but a sixth sense made him remain quiet and give her time.

She sighed. "I want to love, and to be loved, Gar. I want to… I want to be with you."

"Me?" he asked, his astonishment sincere. "Rae, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met! You can have your pick of any guy or girl you want!"

She smiled and arched an eyebrow. "I can? Good. I pick you."

"But… but why? I'm just a green fr–"

" _STOP!_ " she snapped at him threateningly, cutting him short instantly. "Don't you _dare_ say it!"

He winced and looked at her. She was scowling angrily at him, her hand emerging from the cloak to poke an irritated finger into him. "Do you think I can't see what's beneath that mask of yours? Do you think I'm blind to the battle you fight with yourself every day? Do you think I'm so frivolous to care about the color of your skin?"

Her eyes were glowing with an angry reddish hue. He felt his face flush and he looked away, embarrassed. She took a deep breath to calm down.

"Don't you _ever_ do that again. You are kind, caring and affectionate and any girl should be delighted to have you!" She frowned. "At least for the short time before I send her to a Pit of Hell."

He burst into laughter but then gulped, not daring to meet her eyes. She smirked and lifted her hand, tracing a caressing finger around his ear, making him shiver. "And besides… You have very cute ears."

He turned and looked at her, his eyes wide and his expression surprised and uncertain.

"Do… you really think my ears are cute?"

"Idiot!" she chuckled, cupped his face in her hands and pulled him into a fierce kiss.


End file.
